Currently Listening United We Stand By Hillsong United see related

...Im getting frustrated more and more.  I try and change my attitude and bring out the best in things but it doesnt seem to always work.  Some may say its the teenager in me, and at first i thought it was and i was just blowing it out of proportion but the more i look at it, the more its becoming an issue. Alot of you may know what i am talking about so all i am asking for is prayer in decisions made in the near future. 

On another note i feel as if i owe some people an apology.  For those of you out there that have caught a wave of my sarcasm i am sorry.  Sometimes it gets the best of me and I run with it.  If you could see my heart, you would know that its all in fun but sometimes it doesnt come out the way i mean it to.  For those of you who i have let down in the past week or so i am sorry, it has been busy for me and i am learning to balance my time. 

I was reading Proverbs 31...ya know...a wife of noble character....and i couldnt help but stop on the part that talks about a calm, quiet, and gentle spirit.  Or another chapter that says a woman should be silent in church and if she has a question to ask her husband about it later.  Maybe its the independent woman in me or just my stubbornness but....thats gonna take some work.  I was watching wife swap recently and one of the wives lived her life after this book written in the 1960's.  It talked about how woman should be submissive to her husband, treat him like a king, and devote herself to serving him.  Basically "susie homemaker".  Anyway, The other wife was a totally independent woman who worked 18 hours a day as a police officer and her husband did everything for her.  Part of me sided with the cop right away but the longer i watched, the more i was pushed toward the submissive wife.  That is who we as woman are called to be and God has made us as the caretaker....or helper.  Gen 15: 18- "It is not good for man to be alone, i will make a helper suitable for him."  Its funny because today we had a lesson on sarah and abraham and we talked about being submissive to our husbands.....just something ive been thinking about.  Ya i know im only 17 and im not close to being married but....i want to be a Proverbs 31 woman and if being a submissive wife makes me that much closer.......than i have alot of learning ahead. 

Currently Listening Greatest Hits, Vol. 2 By Tim McGraw Red rag top see related

Back to school.....back to school......

I only have three classes.  Utt/Eco, precal, and Bible..... if you wana count student aid thats four.  Its looking like it'll be a pretty easy year....now all i have to do is find a college and a major.

On another note...volleyball has started and well....its volleyball, quite stressful sometimes but....we live with it.  We had our first tourney/games on Saturday.....2nd place out of ten....not bad you may think but.....if you would have saw the other teams it wasnt so grand....If only we could beat Tower Grove!! Ahh....every year! O well....we still have like 2 months till Joplin.

I miss the summer.....staying up till 5 every nite and sleeping in till 2....those were good times.  I had a really interesting summer....and when i say that, it is completely true.  The beginning started off really different and crazy but I calmed down toward the end....i guess thats how it always works......learned alot, grew up alot, and also dealt with alot.  In the end i wouldnt take any of it back........well maybe some.  I got alot closer to some people too...thats prolly a good and bad thing.  I also met alot of new people which is always fun...and interesting to say the least.  Overall i'd say i matured alot.  I look back on jus the past two years and i can see how much ive grown just by personal experiences along the way.  There comes a time when we cant act like kids anymore and i guess that my time has come.  Not that i cant still have fun...just in a different way.  I look at things alot differently now.  Instead of being in the moment i have to take a step back and see where my actions will lead.....because sometimes.....they arent so good and im starting to realize that every action has a price, whether good or bad, and it comes back around at some point. 

::::sigh:::  .........CIY.........

I dont think anyone will ever know how much those three letters mean to me.

I cannot begin to describe....

-the presence of God

-the worship

-the people

-the tears

-the memories

-the life changing experiences

-the decisions made

-the openness

-the honesty

-the fresh start

-the leaving behind

::::sigh:::: .......I wait all year long for this one week to come and it is finally here......i already have so many expectations.....whether thats good or bad.....all i know is that when i come back i hope to be

R e v i v e d 

and  r e p l e n i s h e d!

mmm....love this song....

And I heard a voice through the discord
A deluge of passersby
I saw one gaze frozen in time
Watching me passing by

And I swear I'll know your face in the crowd
And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger to be (stronger)
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another

Here's my kiss to betray (kiss to betray)
Desperate to brush the lips of grace (Brush the lips of grace)
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I lied?

And oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me
And oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger to be (stronger)
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger to be (stronger)
Hey unloving
I will love you
I will love you
I will love you

And Jesus I'm ready to come home
I'm ready to come
Jesus I'm ready to come home (home,home)
Hey Unfaithful
Hey Ungraceful
Hey unloving
I will love you

Hey unloving
I will love you

Currently Listening Modern Day Drifter By Dierks Bentley come a little closer see related

Random thought #1:

I used to wonder why people would want to put their inner most  feelings somewhere where the whole world could see.........now i realize.  Its like putting your feelings out there without having to deal with confrontation, or even rejection in a way.  Some may call it a pity party, but others would say they just want to know someone looks at it and maybe cares.  It could also be a way of releaving stress.  A way for you to put your feelings out there without necessarily getting something in return, because sometimes that whats your looking for....

Random thought #2:

Why are people mean. I know that I am at fault for this also. Most of the time I am just being sarcastic or joking around but honestly when other people do it, it makes me think about the things I say and i wonder if it hurts them as much as it hurts me....I know most of us dont purposely try to be mean but even when we joke around......are we really not being honest in a nicer way? Maybe it is honesty and maybe the truth hurts.....i honestly dont know but one thing i do know is that i will definitely try to cut back on my sarcasm. 

Random thought #3:

Teenage years are rough. So many emotions flying all over the place. Some you can help and others you dont know where they came from or how to get rid of them.  One things for sure...you mature with every heartache.  Theres so many different types of personalities you can change yourself into but when it comes down to it you'll always come back to where you started and while you may or may not like it.....your stuck! Ive learned that you can't change who you are but people can sure change you! I guess thats where the word  I N F L U E N C E comes in...and what influence your under. 

Random thought #4:

I am really competitive. I dont even mean to be....its like an addiction. Can you be addicted to being competitive?? O well... i am!  I am competitive in alot of ways such as test taking, driving, sports, academics, goals...the usual, but im also competitive in another area.  This is a pretty unusual area to be competitive in but once im caught up in it I cant stop myself, no matter what i tell myself i go after it......even if i know the outcome prolly isnt what i have in mind. I guess some would call it a drive.  It gets my blood pumping and until i reach that goal i have set, i dont stop......even though I really want to....like they say>>>>you want what you cant have<<<<

Random thought #5:

Theres wat too many things i want to be.....sometimes its one way, another time its the other.  It seems like i cant be content with just who i am. Theres always something more that i want. Maybe C O N T E N T M E N T is what im searching for....then again maybe i havent found myself yet....so many different directions to go....lifes a journey!  A long one at that....who knows...maybe you never  will  find yourself.

Random thought #6:

I have realized that compassion is DEFINITELY not my spiritual gift.  I used to wonder why i couldnt be there for people like i wanted to, and why i didnt have that desire to just give someone a hug cause they needed it. I always though that i was a horrible emotionless person. But now i realize that some of us just arent gifted in that area.  While some people can hug a complete stranger or just anyone at anytime others have to show it in different ways.  Im finding out that I feel awkward when i hug someone or show compassion in an outward way....i dont know, its hard to explain.  I do realize that i LOVE to listen to people.  If someones going through something i love to just sit and listen and i guess thats my gift....i would rather show compassion for someone by words than by hugs...i dont know.  I guess for people out there i just want to let you know that i do not mean to come across as "better than you" or compassionless.....but i tend to show my feelings in other ways so.....sorry.  This is a way too confusing thought to get into...ill just leave it at that.

Random thought #7:

I miss the part of me that was super outgoing....the part of me that could talk to anyone about anything. Whenever im in a group setting i feel that i have nothing to say.  I had someone tell me for the first time tell me i was SHY!  wow....that kinda got to me.  I dont know if I would just rather listen to people now or that i just dont know what to say or dont want to sound stupid.....maybe thats it.  I must admitt for awhile i would say stuff without thinking and i got this reputation for being  a "ditz" ,so they say, and i guess i just want people to take me seriously.....yet i still have the desire to be goofy...i dno....

Random thought #8:

This post was way too long and too much about me.......im done now.

Currently Listening Without Condition By Ginny Owens If you want me to see related

You ever have those moments where your like... wow......why didnt i see that before?  You wonder how everything can just fall into place and you finally understand? I have been searching for the one thing that has been right in front of me>> how amazing my God is....it is always in His timing! I dont know the reasons why i am who i am or why i am the way i am but i know one thing....my God is bigger than anything i can fathom and to doubt Him for one s e c o n d would be foolish. 

A man chooses his course but God directs his feet.

The pathway is broken

and the signs are unclear

and i dont know the reason

why you brought me here

but just because you love me

the way that you do

Im gonna walk through the valley

if you want me to....